And the Beat Goes On

For those of you keeping track of my health, I wanted to give you an update on how things are going. I had another setback last Friday. I woke up early in the morning with urges to harm myself. Oscar saved the day by hopping in my lap and purring. I was able to take medicine, pet him, and ground myself again in reality.

I woke Hubby up after the worst had passed just in case it came back again. I attempted to go to work on the same day and by 9:00 in the morning, I was having thoughts again. I called Hubby and this time I called my doctor. She adjusted my meds and told me she wanted me to go to the hospital.

Well, I wasn’t compliant, but not without her knowledge. We came up with a compromise. I would stay home until I could see her on Wednesday (2 days from now) and I would make sure I was never alone. I assured her that I had been following my safety plan to the letter and I that I deserved this chance. It is important that I continue to follow my safety plan in order to continue to build trust with my doctor.

So, you may be wondering what happened next? I had a fairly decent weekend, though I have some anger issues with a particular situation in my life at this time. A friend kept me company both days of the weekend to allow Hubby some time to himself. I also spent some time with my sister.

Hubby is working from home for the next three days while I find things to occupy myself. I hope to write a couple of short stories in the next few days. I will, of course, post them. I have still been gleaning Terrible Minds for more prompts.

Today has been rougher than the weekend was. I have had more thoughts and Oscar’s claws feel, well, welcome. I have an appointment with my therapist this afternoon. I plan to talk about the last few days with her and get her perspective on things.

My Hubby says he has noticed things that are different about me since this episode began, but my friends don’t seem to notice anything different unless I tell them. I am less likely to just sit and daydream. Daydreaming is something I normally love to do, but when my thoughts turn to self harm and visualization of it, daydreaming is not such a good idea.

Friday night I really slept well, but since then, I have had disturbed and interrupted sleep again. Saturday night I dreamt I was having a stroke. It was a very alarming dream and I couldn’t sleep anymore after that.

I do have hope that I will get through this with the help of friends, family, and healthcare professionals. I have been through worse and this is still the early stages of an episode. I hope to nip it in the bud early and never get to the late stages.

If you experience anything like I do, don’t be afraid to tell others you aren’t feeling well. They can help or get help for you. I have learned to tell my Hubby everything, even about the kitty claws feeling good. It matters; trust me. Have a good week all! See you tomorrow.

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One thought on “And the Beat Goes On

  1. Marsha, I know what you are going through. I’ve been through it myself and with my brother, and with my youngest daughter. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Kim B

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