A Close Call

Dice Masters is so fun! Yesterday I got a bunch of boosters for two of the sets in the game and Hubby and I opened them after he got home from choir. We enjoy the game so much and now I have lots of new dice to play with. I got two super rares last night, which made the opening “party” even more rewarding. Hubby got some good rares but no super rares. I hope he gets his first one soon. Between last night and last week, I now have three.

Hubby had choir practice last night, so I admit it was a rather rough evening for me until he came home. After he left, I felt okay at first. I made dinner and fended off Iris (she wanted my soup). Then I sat down in the recliner and started stewing over some of my current problems. I won’t go into them in this blog but one of them was a huge factor in my hospitalization last week. I know it seems to stupid to let outside forces affect me so deeply, but I can’t help it when I am faced with dealing with them on a daily basis.

So, for about an hour last night, I started to feel like I wanted to harm myself. I called my best friend and couldn’t get a hold of her. Hubby has cleaned all the sharps out of the house, so I felt a little safer, but there are still other things I can do if I am determined enough, no matter how safe the environment is. I waited a little while longer, but by about 7:45 the feelings were getting stronger. I called my hubby and told him to come home, which he did. He said it was easier to have him come home from choir than work, even if the tenors missed him greatly.

I followed my safety plan to the letter and called someone before I did anything to myself. Sometimes this makes me feel like I am crying wolf, and after I do it a few times, I think I should do something so people know I am serious. I can’t explain why my mind works this way. It just does. But I really want to stay out of the hospital, so I will continue to try and follow the plan in the hopes that this eventually goes away and I feel better soon.

I hope that any of you who suffer from mental illness can learn from my successes and mistakes. Hang in there and make and follow your own safety plans in order to live a better life. It really does get better if you continue to fight and work hard. Happiness and joy to you all!


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